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Archive for the ‘weight’ Category

Part II

You know, God’s faithfulness never ceases to amaze me. I spent the entire day yesterday thinking about, complaining about, obsessing about my weight. And then last night, in the few hours of sleep that I’m getting these days (courtesy of the Look Alike’s schedule and my inability to sleep if there are birds chirping outside, even at 5 freaking 30), I had a dream. No idea what the rest of the dream was about, but I remember putting my hand on my hip and feeling the curve of my waist. It was littler. Not little, but smaller. I had this breezy feeling that I’d lost another 20 lbs of so (which would get me down to my pre-pregnancy weight with the Firecracker Princess), and I know it was a promise from Him that even when I am faithless, He is faithful.

About a year ago I took an inner healing class that taught writing what we hear God say to us, and one of the things I wrote down was “I chose the slope of your nose, the curve of your hip, the arch of your foot”. And yes, the hairs on my head.

I’m sure I’ll continue to worry about this weight issue, but maybe not in such a hopeless sense any longer. Two pounds in two weeks is still a loss, and aren’t we warned “not to despise the day of small things”?

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A Weighty Frustration

*Disclaimer: This is my blog and I therefore talk about whatever I want to talk about. However, weight is a sensitive topic, so those who are triggered by such talk should please avoid today’s post. Thanks!

That said, here’s the deal. I’m frustrated. Seriously, stinkingly frustrated. The Look Alike is 5 weeks old, and I’ve lost a little over 30 lbs according to my in-law’s scale. Hopefully the scale at my midwife’s office will be a little more forgiving on Friday. Anyhow, it’s no great secret that I’ve got quite a bit of weight to lose. QUITE a bit. Like 25-30% of my current weight to get into my recommended weight range.

I HATE being this big. It’s frustrating and painful, and no one will tell you you’re overweight when you weigh what I weigh because I’m not visibly obese, though I’m technically obese according to my BMI. Suffice it to say that people who are 5’2″ should never be over 200 lbs, no matter the circumstance (the circumstance being pregnancy in this situation).

I’m kind of at an impasse. I worry some that I worry about weight, having been eating disordered, off and on, for about eight years. Perhaps being overly concerned with going back there keeps the weight on. Perhaps it’s something else entirely. I like to think it’s because I love food, but doesn’t everybody love food?

Maturity, I think that’s it. I have yet to develop a maturity about the situation, and that’s compounded by the fact that I grew up having to hide food and getting told I was eating too much. Wait, then I was eating too little. Sigh. I have no idea what it the “right” thing anymore.
So I’ve been studying some about how God would have us eat, just from the Scriptures, not anyone’s book about the topic. And I do think I’m on the right track. But if I can’t lose weight doing this, I wonder if I’ll keep it up.

Sigh.

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