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Posts Tagged ‘AVC’

On Friendship

Friday night I went to Girls’ Night Out with friends from my new church. If you’ve known me long, you know that this is a big. huge. deal.  I’ve always tended to be a bit of a loner, an introvert. However, that’s been challenged lately.

Last Monday, I told my sweet friend Prisoner of Hope that I was going out with new friends. I asked her to pray for me because, “I don’t do well in groups.” She looked at me incredulously, and said, “I can’t let you speak that, it’s not true. YOU are the person who takes care of everyone, makes sure they know what’s going on, ensures they’re comfortable …”

Ok…

Then Friday night as we were leaving, I was saying goodnight to a new friend. She said, “I can’t believe you said you’re not social. You so are!”

So in a week, one person who has just met me and one person who knows my heart inside and out both told me that I was wrong about myself. Hmm. I’m listening.

I took all of that to my session yesterday, and the Not-So-Casual Observer and I hashed it out. We talked about what it would mean to be affirmed, to believe that I was a “valuable part of a group.” Let’s just say it was a hard hour.

Then today, I taught at AVC, our old church. My sweet friend Purity (new to the cast of characters, but like a big sister to me and known for several years) mentioned that I’m different (Thank You, Jesus)! She also mentioned that when we were just getting to know one another, several people told her that “heather just doesn’t want to be known.” Ouch.

Now, I don’t believe that was true, because the longing to be truly known is in all of us, designed by God. But I think it illustrates just how deeply wounded and afraid I have been for so long. I thank God that He’s changing that part of me.

It feels like I’m conducting an archaeological dig of my own past, the Truth, who I was created to be. I said to NSCO yesterday, “Why can’t something just be EASY for once?” Her answer had something to do with how many children I have; I’ll refrain from posting it here, but it made me giggle.

And so, hmm. Friendship. I believe that I’ve met two women at my new church who will become good friends. Now, I take friendship pretty seriously, but I’m sort of out of practice. Add to that the fact that I’ve never had friends who were peers and mothers (some of each, but none who are both), and I’m in deep water here. But the fact is that I WANT to have friends now, and that’s more than I can say for the last decade, so that’s something. Actually, it’s a lot of something. I’m pleased to discover this new person in myself.

And by the way, if the girl is reading who mentioned Friday night that she wanted a nickname on my blog, it’s Cara. Look up what it means, because you were the first from VCC. And I’m so grateful for the “moment” we had last Sunday, looking forward to this week!

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Y’all, I feel like everything’s falling apart. I mean, I’m safe and fine, but when did my life get so crazy? I’m teaching at AVC in a week and a half and haven’t started writing for it. Did some therapy homework to be published that just flat out sucks, and haven’t lost any discernible weight for a month. Let me off this roller coaster.

On the flip side, homeschool is almost over for the year. Therapy is kicking my butt in the very best way, and we’re getting settled at our new church. I’ve been spending lots of time with friends new and old, and that’s a great thing. Plus, I’m planning another small tattoo before I get a larger piece sometime later this year or early next.

I’ll bring you Fit Motherhood tomorrow, but honestly I think I still weigh the same as I did two weeks ago. At least I know WHY this time *cough*!

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