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Obligation

Photo from FoundationsofMorality.com

I had counseling today for the first time in six weeks, and it was a doozy. After all, we had to get through Christmas, losing my job, and the reintroduction of my father into my life. The one word that kept coming was up obligation.

I feel obligated to have a relationship with my father. I feel obligated to do the Bible study that starts at the end of the month. I feel obligated to practice Christianity a given way. I feel obligated to have a certain amount of quiet time and Bible reading and…and…and…

Obligation. We had a discussion about not letting a gifting (my ability to study, process, and apply information to my life) become a crutch. We talked about not letting people shame me when I don’t do something they feel I should. We talked about a lot.

At the end of the day, my homework came down to do doing nothing (Bible study, quiet time, church, “Christianity”) out of obligation. For three months. Holy crap, I’m terrified.

It’s all in an effort to get to know myself, to get to know Jesus and I want that desperately. Who would I be without all of the rules that keep me safe and tucked away in a blanket of religion?

So far, the winter Bible study is out, and obligatory Bible reading is axed. I’m supposed to just sit with Jesus during my quiet time. I’m scared, but I’m in.

I’m all in.

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