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Posts Tagged ‘Dinah’

Known

Yesterday I made a new friend whom we’ll call Dinah. We just clicked (I have a feeling she’s a clicker, because I can be a little less clicktastic). She’s also a self-proclaimed blogaholic, so if she’s reading, hello!  As for the rest of you, if you read regularly, you’ll know that I’ve made a LOT of new friends in the last six weeks or so. It’s been an amazing thing, this.

I’ve actually been really skeptical of the new church because people have just seemed to accept me so quickly and easily. Frankly, it’s weird. I don’t know what to say except that I just seem to fit here. We’ve been at the church for about three months now. I’ve already joined a small group, gone on a girls’ night out, had solo time with a friend, volunteered at our food pantry, and been really, really honest about my stuff with pretty much everyone.

I’ve always feared being known. Being exposed is pretty much every mammal’s fear; that’s why cats freak out if you touch their bellies and people cry in yoga positions like camel — there’s an innate terror at the thought of being revealed. But today Jesus told me something pretty amazing. He said that being known is actually my safety. See, when I’m isolated, the lies I’ve believed my whole life twist in on themselves, growing deeper roots and gaining power. When I risk being known, I grow ever more safe because people know me well enough to speak the truth, call me on my crap, and hold me accountable. It’s hard. It’s good.

A couple of months ago, a friend was leaving our old church. I asked a couple of mutual friends why he was leaving, and one of them said rather snidely, “Ask him if you want to know.” My fear what that he would think I was gossiping about him, so I went and told him about the interaction and asked his forgiveness, because I truly didn’t want him to think I was trying to harm him by asking. And do you know what he said to me?

“I know heather, and that’s not you.” He KNOWS me, and he KNOWS that I’m not a gossip. Had I slunk away, as I’m wont to do, he would never have been able to act as God’s mouthpiece for me at a time when I needed it desperately. He saw me, spoke truth to me, and set me free. It was precious.

So being known, hmm. I’m still a little wary of this process because it feels like I’m on a bullet train heading straight into the heart of community. Community is, as Dinah said, messy sometimes. Indeed, and I’m so grateful. It is well.

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