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Posts Tagged ‘labor’

The Process

Yesterday was counseling day, and I feel like we’re on the cusp of something big. I’m pleased, and I’m terrified. As we came to a close, my wonderful counselor (whom I’ll call the Not-So-Casual Observer, or NSCO) saw a look on my face that said “Overwhelmed.” She asked what it was about and I told her that this is something like a painful labor. What follows is one of my homework assignments for this week.

Transition — the sum of all fears. You can’t see the end and you’re unsure of the outcome and you’re smack in the middle of the most. immense. pain. of your life.

You want to give up, to beg for relief. You don’t believe that you will survive the violence ripping through your body and threatening to tear you in two. There’s no turning back; it would kill one or both of you. There’s no rushing through; this process obliges its own exquisite tension.

You must make a choice: fight the agony or submit to it. Submission’s only reward is a greater awareness of your pain. It requires a gaze fixed on what feels like death itself.  As the waves wash over you from crescendo to crescendo, you fear the world will go black.

Suddenly, a sure but passing vision; a moment of supreme clarity: You are about to birth something precious, and this thing cannot come without the gift of pain. You bear down and do this impossible thing because, though the exact nature of what’s coming to you is yet unknown, you know with a marrow-deep certainty that it is worth every drop of sweat and blood and salt poured forth from you to give it life.

Hold tight now, hold tight. There’s more to you than this.

Rest in the tension.

Peace in the pain.

Authentic transformation.

This is pain with a purpose. The moment you are fully rent is the moment the light comes rushing in. Transition — the sum of all grace.

 

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