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Posts Tagged ‘MD’

  • Weight: 149.0 (75% to stretch goal)
  • Change in pounds: -3.8 lbs.
  • Body Fat: 28.4% (-1.0%)
  • Bust: 34.0″ (same)
  • Waist: 31″ (same)
  • Hips: 39.5″ (-1.5″)

OK, so I had a good loss this time. No doubt this comes because my body was happy that I finally stopped stuffing it too full. A few days of the last two weeks I ate weight loss calories, and most days I ate maintenance calories.

The Not-So-Casual Observer and I have had some conversations lately about my weight. She made me crazy mad one session where I felt she was trying to dictate how much I should eat. I didn’t quite understand why it was such a huge deal when I purged once (especially because I confessed how silly I felt afterward), but the night that I got wrecked after ancient worship by drinking four glasses of wine was easily dismissed.

We had a good conversation about it. Her stance is that eating disorders kill more people than any other psychiatric illness (this is true), and while she doesn’t worry that I’ll become an alcoholic due to my control issues, she could “easily” see me becoming anorexic. Ahem.

I don’t necessarily agree that I’d become anorexic. Given my long history with food issues, though, I see where she’s coming from. So maybe she’s being a bit overprotective, but at the end of the day, there’s a good reason. I felt better after we talked. As an aside, I love being able to talk about the issues in our relationship and having her take them seriously.

So where does that leave me? I’m not sure. I’ve spent some time trying on clothes from last time around, and I’d say I’m about five pounds away from fitting into my smallest clothes. That’s crazy, because even when I lose five pounds I’ll still be 12 pounds heavier than I was. My body is clearly different.

I still don’t feel small. In fact, in the middle of Girls’ Night Out on Friday, I was looking at photos taken by MD (a new friend) and said to Cara, “I look small!” I hope MD will email those photos soon so I can see again, because my brain doesn’t see in the mirror what I saw in the photos. On my year-long quest for truth, I’m hoping to get some here, too.

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