Posts Tagged ‘midwife’

Some months ago I was telling the Not-So-Casual Observer about how therapy is like giving birth. What I didn’t know then was that I was right, and that I’d actually be called upon to do this thing. Now I’m able to find comfort in my own writing, isn’t that sweet of Jesus?  He gave me the thing I needed months before I needed it, so today I could roll it around in my palm like a marble, smooth and glassy and cool.

The previous six months have been like pregnancy. The NSCO and I have been building trust, knitting together my stories and feelings with her reactions like connecting bone to sinew. Now it’s time to give birth, and I am as prepared as you can be when you’re walking into the unknown.

She calls herself a midwife. I’m glad that, though she’s never given birth in the natural, and despite the myriad things that can go wrong, she’s attended births as they’ve come through the pain of the past. I am excited to experience my own birth, to discover its nuance, its rhythm. I am grateful.

What I know is merely this: that it already hurts mightily, and will hurt more. That right before the breakthrough, I will think I am being drawn into death’s grip. That I am being ripped in two by some invisible force whose rumblings make me pause and steady myself, grateful for the temporary relief but braced for the next wave of anguish. It’s job is to wrest this life from my death grip, to squeeze out the muck and present this new thing, slippery and fragile, but strong and flexible.

Rest in the tension.
Peace in the pain.
Authentic transformation.
Transition — the sum of all grace.


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