Posts Tagged ‘Ohio’

Face to Face

Early last week we returned from visiting my family in Ohio. It was a pretty normal trip for me, except that I needed to ask something particular of my mother.

Now, my mom and I aren’t particularly close, and that’s mostly my doing. I’ve been a challenge from the outset, and I can totally own that. But over the last three months I’ve been having some really painful, disgusting memories of things that happened to me at the hands of my father during my toddlerhood.

The Not-So-Casual Observer and I have been working from those memories as if they were true because, well, I have all the symptoms a person would exhibit. But I felt like I needed to know the truth for myself. I’d been praying during the week leading up to the trip that if I was supposed to tell my mother what I remembered, Jesus would make a clear opportunity.

He did.

The first night, I told mom that my father had been in contact with me, and that I was really confused because I remembered X, Y, and Z (general types of abuse, the one I really wanted to know about tucked in there). Not only did she not deny it, she quietly nodded and said, “Uh huh.” I didn’t press, but I did mention the particular kind of abuse a second time, and again, same response.

Sooo, goodbye denial, hello Jesus. And counseling. I hadn’t told the NSCO I was considering talking to my mom about it since I’m only seeing her every other week and hadn’t really decided by our previous appointment, so when I sat down and told her the day after we got back, she was a little stunned. Wide-eyed and slack-jawed, actually. She didn’t actually SAY much about what I’d done, but she was clearly surprised. It was kinda priceless.

Yesterday I had counseling again, trying to work out this Father fathering issue. It’s not pretty, this thing. I don’t like it one. little. bit. Jesus is trying to get me into the presence of the Father, but I’m totally resistant. Yesterday in my session He said there’s something I fear too much to even name and, given the intensity of what I’ve already dealt with, that doesn’t bode well.

This morning He told me something I’ve seen hints of in isolated moments but haven’t wanted to believe, still don’t want to believe. There may be another conversation with my mother in my future, because this one might just drive me crazy, and I have another 15 days until processing with NSCO. Arg.

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On my Three-Year Blogiversary, I figured I’d revisit the 100 things, and add 100 more!

1. I can’t believe I’m doing this (again).

2. I’m left-handed.

3. I’m married to the Music Man.

4. I have three four amazing kids.

5. We’re leaving the number of children we have in God’s hands.

6. I’m mostly comfortable with that decision.

7. I’m allergic to mangoes.

8. I love to bake. Love.

9. I’ve weeded out 95% of the white flour and refined sugar in our diets.

10. I desperately want to be in love with Jesus, and am getting there, finally!

11. You could call me a little Type A, but you’d be closer to the truth if you called me an anal retentive control freak.

12. I have two brothers and two sisters.

13. I was born and raised in Ohio.

14. I married the Music Man when I was 22 and he was 24.

15. I’d love to have any sort of artistic talent, but I’m utterly devoid, and I’m not a bad scrapbooker.

16. I finally got my B.S. when I was 24.

17. I don’t sing in public unless it’s church.

18. I don’t really like chocolate,

19. But I LOVE devil’s food cake.

20. I don’t drink caffeine, it gives me nasty headaches.

21. I had drug-free births with the Joyful One and the Radiant Babe.

22. I was a vegetarian for 13 years.

23. I used to play the bassoon, perhaps badly.

24. I’m painfully shy in social situations.

25. I’m a “proud member of the religious left”.

26. I’ve got some weight to lose, but I’m making some great progress.

27. I bake all of our bread from scratch twice a week (or more) when I have time.

28. I love a bargain.

29. But you’ll never see me with something particularly “cheap”.

30. My favorite book is Jane Eyre (and Eyre is my fourth’s middle name for that reason).

31. I still have friends from elementary school.

32. I used to do Mary Kay…

33. Because before that I was a makeup artist with Lancome…

34. And before that I was an area sales manager with a dept. store,

35. And before that I managed The Limited,

36. And before that I worked at Bath and Body Works,

37. And before that I worked at Dairy Queen.

38. Now I work at home, along with raising my kids.

39. I find myself torn between stewardship and extravagance.

40. I believe that God still speaks, if we’d only listen.

41. I’ve only ever lived in Ohio, Georgia, and a 3 month stint in Illinois.

42. I have one tattoo two tattoos.

43. I have two sets of earring holes, but rarely wear earrings.

44. My wedding rings all have cognac diamonds.

45. We married in GA but honeymooned in Las Vegas.

46. One of my best friends used to be my teacher.

47. I’m a horrible photographer.

48. I really, really love to sleep.

49. I’m an INFJ, the rarest personality type.

50. On the DISC scale, I’m an “S”, but people always think I’m a “D”, which weirds me out.

51. I got to go to Russia in 2009, and it changed my life.

52. We almost always vacation at Disney World.

53. I’m fairly dramatic.

54. I’ve been recovered from an eating disorder for almost ten years.

55. I had a friend who now is a nun.

56. My father is trying to be part of my life again, haven’t seen him in 20 years.

57. I’m the oldest child and the oldest grandchild.

58. I’ve never been to a funeral.

59. I owned blue suede shoes.

60. If I leave typos in a message, I’m comfortable with you.

61. I don’t like to be touched by people I don’t know.

62. I LIKE brussels sprouts (love, really).

63. I’ve never turned up my nose at a vegetable.

64. I was a 4 year letter winner in softball

65. And was in marching band

66. but I survived high school by the skin of my teeth

67. I’ve had at least two documented “nervous breakdowns.”

68. Now I think I’m ok. 🙂

69. I’m 5’2″.

70. I wear a size 9 shoe (not a typo).

71. I have come to see soup as a meal.

72. I eat a power bar for breakfast every morning.

73. I think kids should rear-face in car seats until they reach 30 lbs or more.

74. We have four car seats in a minivan, and are anticipating when we’ll add a fifth.

75. I didn’t start driving until I was almost 20.

76. I have to sleep with a pillow between my knees.

77. I’m terribly boring.

78. I hate making phone calls.

79. My house is a mess,

80. But I’m working on it.

81. I love researching cults, I wanted to be a deprogrammer (and still want to sometimes).

82. I don’t like jarred pasta sauce.

83. I have clothes in my closet ranging from 4-20

84. Which means I desperately need to clean it out

85. I watch very little television.

86. We don’t have a DVR.

87. I only see my family once a year.

88. We live 5 miles away from my in-laws.

89. I own handbags that cost as much as my mortgage payment.

90. I’m not a big fan of pregnancy.

91. I’m just now reading The Chronicles of Narnia series.

92. We have three cats now.

93. I love my kids so much that I cry, just randomly.

94. I really dig Jodie Foster.

95. We’re trying to eat mostly organic food,

96. But I don’t ever plan to cloth diaper.

97. I don’t believe in circumcision.

98. We don’t vaccinate.

99. I guess all that makes me pretty crunch-tastic (except the disposable diapers).

100. Praise God, I can’t believe I finished.

Here we go again…

101. I always check the 10-day forecast, then curse it when it changes two days later.

102. I think we’ll end up with 6 kids

103. But that doesn’t mean I’m excited about more pregnancies

104. My favorite Disney character is Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty

105. But my favorite Disney Movie is Peter Pan

106. We’re transitioning to another church after spending our entire Christian lives in one church home, and it’s hard.

107. I love hearing and reading natural birth stories.

108. I’m considering a new tattoo.

109. My favorite song, Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “Jubilee,” has been my favorite since I was 15 years old.

110. I love it when I glance at the clock and it says 12:34.

111. Postsecret.com is my guilty pleasure.

112. I think I’ll be a therapist when I grow up, which generally means sometime when my kids are old enough for me to go to grad school.

113. I love Jason Gray, especially his speech impediment.

114. The book TrueFaced changed my life.

115. Getting rid of cable and paying for Hulu Plus and Netflix was one of the best family decisions we’ve ever made.

116. I love my Kindle.

117. I’m a HUGE Cincinnati Reds fan. If you don’t like them, we can’t be friends (kidding — sorta).

118. My favorite children’s book is The Napping House, but Skippyjon Jones is a very close second.

119. I usually enjoy homeschooling.

120. We use the Charlotte Mason method.

121. I’m terrified of what it’ll be like to homeschool two, much less four children.

122. I can’t add shredded cheese to anything without saving a big pinch to put right into my maw.

123. I would say I’m equally attracted to dogs and cats, but we have cats because I’m lazy.

124. The baby just puked on my keyboard. I know it’s not “about me,” but it’s gross.

125. I love, love, love Jason Gray’s music.

126. But I usually spell the word “grey, ” and have since middle school.

127. I changed the way I draw 7 and 4 because I homeschool and didn’t want my daughter to be confused by my numbers.

128. I got saved at age 25, statistically almost impossible. 🙂

129. Thank God He doesn’t listen to statistics.

130. I tend to prefer musical artists most people have never heard of.

131. I hate it when people end sentences with prepositions (like I just did above).

132. I seem to be more like my mother than I ever knew was possible.

133. I’m in counseling, so that realization isn’t as scary as it could be. 🙂

134. I play Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? on Facebook, but it pales in comparison to both the original game and the show.

135. My favorite show in grade school was called Square One on PBS. It was about math, and it’s where I learned about the Fibonacci sequence and Archimedes.

136. Yes, I was a nerd.

137. Yes, I had a ridiculously long memory.

138. Yes, I’m still a nerd with a ridiculously long memory.

139. I hate being wet, as in, if showering were optional, I wouldn’t.

140. I’ve been pregnant for 10% of my life.

141. I’ve been nursing for 11% of my life (so far).

143. Hey, this is fun. I’ve been driving for a mere 35% of my life. That’s what happens when you wait until you’re almost 20 to get your license!

144. I have more gym clothes than casual clothes, and I’m totally OK with that.

145. In the summer, I wear dresses and skirts pretty exclusively.

146. But when it’s cold, it’s jeans and slacks all day, every day.

147. As is evidenced above, I’ve become one of those Southern whiners who can’t stand the cold (that is, anything below 40 degrees F).

148. Pilates changed my body, but my Pilates instructor changed my life.

149. I thought P90X was a bit too easy…

150. But I’m terrified of CrossFit.

151. I think what terrifies me about it is my own stubborn insistence that I can do anything, and will work hard enough to do it, no matter what.

152. I’ve come to realize that my utter dependence on Jesus is a good thing, a “perfected weakness.”

153. The Big Bang Theory is my new favorite show, and I’m just like Sheldon. Yep, I said it, “non-optional social conventions” and all.

154. My shrink suggested I watch it, which amuses me greatly.

155. I got to lead my Firecracker Princess to Jesus.

156. I wish I spoke Russian even a quarter as well as I speak Spanish, but I just haven’t put in the work.

157. I used to write embarrassingly bad poetry.

158. I still write poetry but, for fear that it’s embarrassingly bad, choose not to share it.

159. I’m not a morning person…

160. But there’s nothing better than watching the sunrise when you’re out for a run.

161. I wouldn’t call myself a night person either.

162. Maybe I just like to sleep. 🙂

163. I love watching my daughter in her dance class. Her passion both excites and humbles me.

164. I fear getting older and losing my independence and mobility.

165. This probably stems from watching my once-vital MIL lose her independence and mobility in her 60s.

166. I tend to care too much about many issues, which is why I think of myself as a bleeding heart.

167. I experience God more through music than anything else.

168. It’s taken me until just recently to understand how emotionally handicapped I am, and it frustrates me greatly.

169. I tend to eat a mostly vegan diet, but I love lamb.

170. I can’t wait to get to heaven and know, for the first time, how food was meant to taste. God’s speaking my language when He talks about a feast!

171. My husband is appalled that I’ve never seen A Few Good Men.

172. You’ve Got Mail is my favorite movie.

173. But I’m not a fan of Sleepless in Seattle, go figure.

174. I tried to drink coffee in my early 20s, but it never stuck.

175. I love just about all fruits (I could be a fruitatarian), but I have a ridiculous love for fresh raspberries.

176. My mission in life right now is to help people eat fresh, healthy, inexpensive food.

177. America’s Next Top Model is my TV guilty pleasure.

178. Cake is my favorite food, hands down.

179. The older my kids get, the higher my “favorite age” extends.

180. I think my kids will hate their middle names at some point, since they’re all pretty unique.

181. I don’t really care if they hate them, because they all mean something special.

182. I’ve never seen a single episode of The Bachelor or Survivor.

183. I try to eat based on The Maker’s Diet with some Nourishing Traditions thrown in.

184. Snow White is my favorite Disney princess.

185. The more I trust a person, the less makeup I wear around them.

186. I’ve always liked being short.

187. My son’s laugh makes me laugh every time I hear it. It’s absolutely infectious.

188. I always let my stylist cut and color my hair however she thinks it should be.

189. In more than 11 years, I think she only steered me wrong once (by going blonde–ay).

190. When people ask me where I got something, the answer is almost always “Amazon.com.”

191. The Music Man sleeps with three blankets, quilt and sheets. I sleep with just the comforter.

192. I love the smell of eucalyptus; it reminds me of the flower shops where my mom worked when I was a kid.

193. I hate the smell of Play-Doh, it makes me wanna yak.

194. I have a freckle on the inside of my left palm.

195. I sing along to songs I hate, just because I know the words to everything. It’s sorta annoying, both to me and the person with me.

196. I drove with a suspended license (forgot to pay a speeding ticket when I was 20), got pulled over, and got away with it.

197. I’m not proud of that, but I am grateful I didn’t go to jail.

198. If I had to spend $2k on something completely frivolous, I’d buy a Chanel handbag. I’d only feel slightly guilty for it.

199. My favorite junky food is Dairy Queen’s (all-beef) hot dog with ketchup, mustard, onion, and relish. I could probably eat three at a time.

200. I’ve always thought I should’ve been named something else, but nothing else sounds right, either. How’s that for weird?

OK, I’m done. There may be a duplicate or two, sorry. Or not sorry, really.  Happy anniversary, MITM!

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