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Posts Tagged ‘pravda’

Last night Cara and I went to get tattoos. I had a tat I wanted back in April, but Jesus asked me to wait until He said yes. I got the yes two weeks ago, made a consultation appointment last week, and went last night.

Now for some background. Late December 2010, Jesus told me that this would be the year of truth. It came in a funny way, seeing a sign in a bar in a movie, in Russian. Since I speak and read some Russian, I was able to understand that it was transliterated “pravda,” the Russian word for truth. Jesus says He is the truth, and He’s been showing me some deep and deeply painful things this year.

Yeah, it’s been painful. I can’t say that I’ve ever done anything more difficult, but it’s been so, so awesome as well. I love this process and will be sad to see this year end. I anticipate that I’ll ask Jesus to give me a name for 2012, too. It’s just so cool to know, at least in broadbrush, what God wants to teach you in a year’s time!

So back to the tattoo. We got started with mine at like 8:45 and were paid and headed home by 9, but here are a few pictures of that painful 15 minute interlude.

Getting started

Trying unsuccessfully to find my happy place.

Truth forever etched into my skin

 

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  • Weight: 149.0 (75% to stretch goal)
  • Change in pounds: -3.8 lbs.
  • Body Fat: 28.4% (-1.0%)
  • Bust: 34.0″ (same)
  • Waist: 31″ (same)
  • Hips: 39.5″ (-1.5″)

OK, so I had a good loss this time. No doubt this comes because my body was happy that I finally stopped stuffing it too full. A few days of the last two weeks I ate weight loss calories, and most days I ate maintenance calories.

The Not-So-Casual Observer and I have had some conversations lately about my weight. She made me crazy mad one session where I felt she was trying to dictate how much I should eat. I didn’t quite understand why it was such a huge deal when I purged once (especially because I confessed how silly I felt afterward), but the night that I got wrecked after ancient worship by drinking four glasses of wine was easily dismissed.

We had a good conversation about it. Her stance is that eating disorders kill more people than any other psychiatric illness (this is true), and while she doesn’t worry that I’ll become an alcoholic due to my control issues, she could “easily” see me becoming anorexic. Ahem.

I don’t necessarily agree that I’d become anorexic. Given my long history with food issues, though, I see where she’s coming from. So maybe she’s being a bit overprotective, but at the end of the day, there’s a good reason. I felt better after we talked. As an aside, I love being able to talk about the issues in our relationship and having her take them seriously.

So where does that leave me? I’m not sure. I’ve spent some time trying on clothes from last time around, and I’d say I’m about five pounds away from fitting into my smallest clothes. That’s crazy, because even when I lose five pounds I’ll still be 12 pounds heavier than I was. My body is clearly different.

I still don’t feel small. In fact, in the middle of Girls’ Night Out on Friday, I was looking at photos taken by MD (a new friend) and said to Cara, “I look small!” I hope MD will email those photos soon so I can see again, because my brain doesn’t see in the mirror what I saw in the photos. On my year-long quest for truth, I’m hoping to get some here, too.

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Happy new year! It seems like 2010 was hard for almost everyone I know, so along with them, I was ready to turn my calendar over to a new year.

I don’t do well when I try to focus my attention on too many things, perhaps because I’m already relatively busy. When I realize that my life is already full of my four babies, home schooling, getting good nutrition, weight loss, church obligations, and the gym, it seems silly to take on another thing.

But I have.

I started a new blog called The Selective Omnivore, where I work through some vegan recipes, mostly from Veganomicon. When they don’t work as written, I’ve decided to “omni it up,” making changes that might not be vegan, but sure are tasty. Check it out when you have a sec!

As I said in my last post, I expect that 2011’s going to be the year of pravda, truth. I’m scared of it and looking forward to it, but it seems like the events of the last few months are aligning to make that desire for truth a reality in my life.

Between beginning counseling, my uncle coming into my life, having an actual conversation with my mother, and my father contacting me, it’s just time.

Finally, I’m recommitting to my Russian studies. I essentially took all of 2010 off, and I’ve forgotten more than I remember. My goal is to get through all three levels of Rosetta Stone by the end of the year, then perhaps to start some formal Russian classes when I’ve finished.

I’m looking for truth in little pockets of my life, in corners and under rugs and in the marrow of my bones. Truth is succulent. Truth is nourishing. Truth is.

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