Posts Tagged ‘street children’

Today at church was hard. Hard hard, seeing the orphans’ tender faces, the faces that God loves, scarred and disfigured from fights and self-injury. It makes me wonder about the scars I can’t see; the pain of rejection, the shame of prostitution for survival, the insidious addiction to drugs to escape the hell that is their everyday reality.

Babies sleeping on trash heaps. Toddlers living wholly on their own. Boys killing each other over coins. Girls desiring to commit suicide rather than be used by one more man.

Needless to say, there were many tears.

After church, Reina and I were talking about the things that hurt our hearts, and I mentioned how painful it is to really feel for the first time in my life. She said something that really made me think.

She said that it was like I’ve spent my whole life living in one room of my house. I haven’t ever experienced what it’s like to exist outside of, say, the bathroom. I know how to live in a bathroom, but I have no idea what it’s like to receive real nourishment in the kitchen. No clue how to rest in a bedroom. And even though it’s terrifying, God is calling me to the joy of these things; of eating and resting and exploring these rooms. To let my fingers graze their walls, to smell their smells, to sit in their chairs.

How would you explore a house you’ve always lived in but never known? The question begs to be answered.

I see this paralleled in my physical house. We’ve lived here more than eight years, but I’ve never decorated save a couple of paint jobs in bedrooms. I’m looking around for the first time and realizing that this home says nothing about who I am, who my family is. It’s time to change that.

I’ve never forgotten a few years ago when a friend visited and said that my house didn’t look like me at all. That’s likely because I had no idea who I was. Hopefully as I come to know myself, as I explore the potential in these rooms of my heart and my home, it’ll become more integrated. I think that’s part of authenticity, and I’m sort of excited to find out!

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