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Posts Tagged ‘Teva’

I’ve written this post three times. The first time it was ready to publish, but my computer decided to turn itself off all willy nilly. The second time I was on the drive up to Ohio and fell asleep and forgot to save. This time, well, here it is.

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been invited to hang out with a group of Cara’s friends. Most of them have been friends for at least half of their lives (we all go to the same church), then there’s one “newer” girl, Talia, and me. I’ll make introductions to the cast of characters soon, but we’ve got Teva and Reina in the mix now.

So here’s the thing. I *think* these girls like me. I *feel* like I fit in pretty well with everyone. My raging insecurities won’t allow me to leave it at that, though. I wonder if I talk too much, am too opinionated, am not trying hard enough, am trying too hard, if they talk about me after I’m gone. I keep waiting for the popular vote to say “you’re out.” In fact, I’ve been tempted to just tell Cara, “Hey, if it’s not working, just let me know and I’ll stop coming by.”

The hell of it is that I really DON’T think they talk badly about me behind my back, but these are the things my insecurities whisper, fork-tongued and vile.

And girls, if you’re reading, I’m not looking for you to gush and tell me that I’m seven shades of awesome. I just needed to own where I am, how hard it is to be in relationships and feel afraid but push through. This is the stuff of life, after all. And it’s worth it.

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